The Case For Being An MP

I often get asked how I do it, I wish I could say it’s the result of years of dedication or motivation, but I guess that’s just how I am made – waking up early is how my body clock works best and today as I was taking my morning walk it got me thinking about how being a Morning Person has shaped my life in so many ways.

When I was in High School and the studies mounted while my peers sat burning the midnight oil, I was always up bright and early because that’s when my brain worked best. Later in college when my friends would surreptitiously call one another to talk for hours on end on the home landline, they learned early not even to try calling me as it was probably my Dad who would pick up while I was fast asleep on the carpet after having dozed off listening to perhaps fifteen minutes of the evening news which was a daily ritual at home. Kids often wonder about which trait they picked up from a parent, the responsibility for this one rests squarely on my Mom. She too would settle down in front of the TV, flip the round hand embroidered mirror-work cushion to the smooth side and be snoozing shortly after. My grandmother, her mother-in-law, would joke that while usually the daughters-in-law in an Indian household were expected to wake up early and get started on the household chores, she wished Mom would just sleep a little bit longer so that everyone in the household weren’t woken up with the sounds of her morning hustle-bustle!

When I decided to pursue my masters in management and communication, I realized that math was going to be an integral part of all the entrance exams and that I had a lot of work to do to brush up on my math since I had dropped it as a subject after my tenth grade. I decided that I needed professional help and desired to join a coaching institute that would help me prepare for these tests. Classes were not cheap and they started at 7 am every morning after which I had to head to college; my Dad was skeptical, he said he would spring the money for the classes as long as I was sure that I would remain committed. My days started early but slowly I started looking forward to meeting my community of fellow learners everyday, we came from different backgrounds but we could help each other and I swear the fact that I had a crush on one of my instructors had nothing to do with my commitment to reaching there on time!!!

Growing up my summer vacations were spent with my grandparents in their home in Kerala. As a teen I would visit them unaccompanied by my parents and some of my fondest memories are waking up in the morning to go with them to the temple. I sometimes look back and wonder what motivated me to do so? Maybe I was praying for my future, but more likely it was either the tasty “prasadam” or just delighting in my grandparents' adoring company or a little bit of both! It still brings a smile to my face when I think of those times.

When I got into my dream college and started rooming with college mates, we quickly banded together based on sleep habits. The three of us tucked in early! The only hitch in these otherwise perfect plans was that my best friend (same house , different room!) was nocturnal and she had decided that when she wanted to chat I needed to keep awake. So we would sit up late into the night trading stories, gossipping and sharing our lives’ dreams, hopes and aspirations. In fact till date the only exception to my rule of going to bed early is when I am hanging out with my friends. Whether it was dancing, clubbing, gossiping or now at a house party, spending time with my friends was the only thing that tipped the scales in favor of staying up late into the night.

When I started my first job and along with it the grind of a daily commute and long working hours, I was forced to carve out time in the morning for exercise. Over the years the forms of exercise changed from aerobics, to zumba to walking on the treadmill or walking outdoors but it was always first thing in the morning. This means I get to start my day with a sense of accomplishment, an adrenaline boost and plenty of time for some positive internal dialogue. It’s my version of ME time, it helps that it's before the rest of the world wakes up with the various demands on one’s time and energy! Calm and comforting, what more can I say, Early Mornings are simply the best!

Memorial Day Weekend at Boston

We seem to be on a historical site seeing spree after our last trip to “Colonial Williamsburg” we were off to Boston for the memorial day weekend.

First Stop “Harvard Square”

Bustling with activity and situated outside America oldest, and arguably most famous university, after which it is named, this little spot is bustling with activity. Choc a block with places to eat and shopping, the vibe is very upbeat and youthful.

We chose to go for the HAHVAHD tour, run by current students of Harvard. Our tour guide Alley did a great job of introducing us to the history of the university, some quirky traditions and even shared tidbits about how the university currently functions. Highly recommend this to visitors to Harvard. 

Next a quick visit to the MIT campus, here the buildings all look slick and modern in stark contrast to the historical architecture that the Harvardians are so proud of.

That evening it was time for the husband to catch up with an old buddy from college and for Ria and me to make some new friends.

Day 2

We started Day 2 with a self-guided tour of The FreedomTrail. Marked by a red line (which we only discovered about half way into the tour) we visited all the historical spots, many of which had been meeting points for the patriots as they discussed the revolution. Also prominently featured on the trail were several burial grounds where many famous (and not so famous) Bostonians were buried.

Foodie me was excited to stop at the Quincy market adjacent to Faneuil Hall, where the biggest problem was choosing between all the tempting options for lunch. I finally settled on clam chowder and the husband wolfed down a lobster roll (which was banned to me coz of my shrimp allergy)

The second half of the day was at the Boston Duck Tour 

These tours are conducted on W.W.II style amphibious landing vehicle, which chugs along on both water and land. Our very entertaining guide had us in splits through the tour and the little one got a chance to navigate the boat-bus as we were sailing along the Charles river. 

Day 3

We ended out historic tour with a visit to the Boston TeaParty Museum. What a delightful experience this was, I even got a talking part! From disguises, to throwing tea overboard and a mock meeting in historically accurate weather, (it was a rainy day) this was such a fun time. Talking pictures, holograms that disappeared in a poof and to end it all what better than a cup of tea!

Before heading back, we dropped into James Hook & Co for a bite. The husband feasted on a giant lobster while I made do with a crab roll.

Time to head back to NJ but not before paying a 42$ parking fee, as much as we had been warned of the outrageous charges for parking in Boston this was quite the shocker! 

Spring Break 2016

A short road trip planned to coincide with Ria’s spring break.

Day 1

First Stop Shenandoah Caverns

Unassuming from the outside but large and labyrinthine on the inside, these caverns are located in the state of Virginia. They bear a close resemblance to our earlier visit of Ruby falls in Chattanooga. Natural formations in the cave bear uncanny resemblance to the weird and wacky, ranging from elephants to the biggest bits of bacon you can ever imagine. Drops of water often trickle down from the cave ceiling and are nicknamed cave kisses. Sachin got a lot of lovely pictures, each formation is uniquely lit to add to the visual experience of the tour.

Outside the cavers are a couple of other attractions too.

The “American Celebration on Parade”, has massive parade floats on display. 

The “Yellow Barn” has a display of a collection of antique farm equipment and carriages. 

After the cavern visit we headed to Cave Ridge Vineyard, a drive off the highway into a narrow road and picturesque setting. Here there was of course the wine tasting, followed by the most delicious baguette with cheese and wine. A quaint little spot which made for a memorable stop.

Day 2

Colonial Williamsburg

Called a living history museum, Colonial Williamsburg has been recreated from the 1700’s during the times when America was still a British colony and the movement for independence was brewing. Many original structures have been restored and many others rebuilt on original foundations. What a pleasure it was to stroll along these streets where there were functioning silversmiths, cobblers, weavers along with taverns, courts and the capital building. Each structure has guides explaining how things worked in the 18^th century giving us a wonderful historical perspective. Truly the highlight of the holiday for me. I cannot recommend a visit here enough!

Day 3

Aquarium at Virginia Beach

                                              My favorite was the Komodo Dragon!

Virginia Beach

A popular summer destination, we landed here on a bright, sunny but windy day. Temperatures were fairly good and visitors were clad in their beast beach wear and while it was too cold to head into the water it was still fun to be out and about after mostly staying indoors for the winter.

Ocean City, MD

Shops, tourist attractions and hotels jostle for place in this popular tourist destination. While Summers find the beach overflowing with people, the off season was eerily deserted with just a handful of tourists on the boardwalk and almost all of the restaurants closed. We bravely headed over toward the beach and the little one took great persuasion to agree to leave as she was enjoying herself, playing in the sand, collecting shells and building castles. 

Day 4

Bye-Bye To Ocean City and end of the Holiday

The Ocean City boardwalk stretches over 2.5 miles and a fun way to see it all is on the family cycle (surrey) where Sachin and I peddled while Ria sat back and enjoyed the ride. 

First Road Trip in the USA - stopping at Roanoke VA, Great Smokey Mountains, Tennessee and Atlanta

Road trips have never been anywhere near my favorite way to travel, so even though I have been married for more than seven years and my husband loves to drive and occasionally mentions how it would be a good idea to travel by road I have been very reluctant and our so called road trips have been few and far between.

After living in the US for more than a year and procrastinating to take the written test for a US drivers license, push came to shove when my brother-in-law suggested that we take a road trip with them to visit family living in Atlanta for the Thanksgiving weekend.

And that's how it all started...

First Stop Roanoke, Virginia

Midway between New Jersey and The Great Smokey Mountains our first stop was at Roanoke, Virginia. We stepped out to the local “farm to table” restaurant here called Local Roots where we tasted food made from locally sourced ingredients. Sunday Supper is shared family style with each diner getting their own entrée and sharing from common bowls of sides, wonderful hospitality from the restaurant owners who pilled our children with books and went into the kitchen to custom-make a hot sauce for my brother in law whose palate prefers fierier fare than the one on offer. After a quick stop over at the Mill Mountain star the next day, which is perched on the top we were off to The Smokies.

Great Smokey Mountains

Gatlinburg

Situated at one of the entrances to the Great Smokies National Reserve Gatlinburg was bustling with tourists. Here I had my first ride in the Skylift and what fun it was to take a ride up to the top and see the city with its twinkling lights and the Space needle all lit up. My little one who is four was safe on Daddy’s lap and enjoyed herself as well. Dinner was delicious southern food (my favorite was the ribs) and among the most delicious drinks I have ever tasted - a peach iced tea with a spot of Moonshine.

Zip lining at Jayell Farms Pigeon Forge

I have zip lined before and enjoyed myself but this was definitely a special experience. Spread over 6 lines with the longest stretching to 3,000 feet and a view of the great mountains still flashing fall colors. Our baby summoned up all her courage to go solo on the last one (she was strapped to one of us for the others) and at the end of it declared that if she had known it was going to be so much fun she would have done all of them solo!

An evening of dance and country music at Country Tonight Pigeon Forge

It is the festive season and a visit down south wouldn’t be complete with some good old country music. An enjoyable show with lots of razzle dazzle and entertainment for the full family with the kids getting to go up on stage as an added bonus!

Wine Tasting at Eagle Springs Winery

Apricot, honey, strawberry, kiwi and mango sounds more like a fruit salad but these are just some of the ingredients that go into the delicious wines available here. After much tasting four happy customers left with five bottles of wine!

Roaring Forks Motor Nature Trail

I know, I know the Smokies is all about trekking and cycling and walking for miles in the natural reserve but with three kids in tow the smallest being 2 and a half we were lucky to manage the motor trail. Picturesque drive with many spots to stop and get some nice clicks!

Jack Daniels Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee

I am no whiskey drinker and yet immensely enjoyed this tour of the JD distillery run free of cost by expert guides. Here we saw the storage vaults, smelt the abundant vapors which escape the barrels (called the Angel’s share), learnt how each barrel is crafted and saw the process of fermentation. And of course while the tour is free the whiskey is not, so we left poorer by a few hundred dollars after a visit to the shop stocked with JDs of every kind!

Ruby Falls, Chattanooga

An impromptu halt at Chattanooga led to a visit to the very beautiful Ruby Falls. The largest underwater waterfall in the US open to the public. A narrow underground trail filled with unique rock and limestone formations culminating in a breathtaking waterfall enhanced by a well-choreographed light show.

ATLANTA

What is Thanksgiving without a feasting with family? True to spirit we gorged on an enormous spread of traditional fare. Couldn’t decide between Turkey or chicken roast so why choose just have both! There were also green beans, cranberry relish, sweet potato bake, mashed potatoes (in all likelihood I missed a dish or two) finished off with gigantic helpings of pecan pie and pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream!

Day 2 in Atlanta

A quick visit to the Stone Mountain to see the world’s largest piece of exposed granite with the world’s largest high relief sculpture featuring three confederate heroes of the American Civil War

Followed by quintessential Southern food at the historic Marie Mac’s Tea Room where many famous personalities have dined included Richard Gere a personal favorite!

Back home for some tree climbing followed by interesting chit chat around a bonfire.

Tummies full, hearts happy and heads filled with pleasant memories of a great holiday.

My Rookie Halloween Experience!

So far Halloween to me has only been watching actors on my favourite American sitcoms enacting the festival so it was fun to be in the thick of things this year. Halloween fever invaded the air about a month ago. It started with pumpkins appearing on doorsteps, some just sat there proclaiming the arrival of fall while others got creative displaying their crooked smiles, wonky teeth and spooky eyes.

It wasn’t long before the decorations took on a more sinister hue, zombie hands, spider webs, danger signs and RIP tombstones were your everyday fare and quite in contrast to the festive decorations like diyas and rangolis that I was more used to. Every day as I dropped the little one  to school we played a little game where the she pretended to save me from a multitude of disasters that could possible befall me on our tiny half a km stretch with attacks from zombies, vampire and monsters  all thwarted by her bravery!

 It wasn’t long before the little one had a school trip where she proudly brought home a mini pumpkin of her own and demanded that it be carved. For a novice who knows nothing there is always YOUTUBE,  thanks to a some online research I found a DIY carving video and then promptly went from DIY to GID  (Get it Done) by the more artistic husband.

Soon enough it was time to pick out a costume for the little one, Girls get an overwhelming 5 choices at the costume store – princess, fairy, butterfly, witch or cat. Since frugal Indian mom didn’t want to spend a whole lot of money I went back to my saviour – social media and this time sought out another favourite -Pinterest for ideas and chose Kitty cat.  Unoriginal, but nevertheless cute and a safe starting point for rookie Halloween mom!  I didn’t have to spend much on the costume, the face paint was my eyeliner and she was ecstatic about her tail and cat ears. 

Since Halloween this year was on a Saturday the parade was on Friday at school. For the uninitiated the Halloween parade is one in which everyone wears a costume and walks around showing off their spooky side. While the kids carried off their myriad looks quite well the sporting teachers looked even better, a motley assortment from Witches to Minnie Mouse, Minions and more

On the big day as we stepped out to join the festivities we saw little kids dressed in costume entering shops with their little Halloween baskets proclaiming trick or treat to grab handfuls of candy from the shops down our street corner. Honestly I think the scariest part of Halloween is the thought of children eating all that sugar - truly sends chills down my spine! However all in the spirit of horrors kiddo also experienced the thrill of getting free candy.

A few photo ops later posing with bales of hay and the ubiquitous pumpkins we were off to NYC to see the annual Halloween parade.  Parades at NYC are always crowded, and standing at 5 feet three inches tall isn’t very conducive to getting a good view; on the other hand being 44 inches tall you stand to get a better view from Daddy’s shoulders.  There is usually a long wait if you want to get a good spot close enough to view the action but as someone waiting declared there was quite a show outside as many of the holiday revellers were in zany costumes of their own. One which particularly caught my eye was a man in a body suit with a shower stall n curtain attached; calmly sipping a beer (the beer was genuine!)

First came the fairies spraying their fairy dust, then the giant skeletons which took 3 or more people to operate, there were witches and vampires, ghouls of every sort, fake blood pouring everywhere maleficent masks of every murderous kind.  

When we had had our share of the spectacle and decided to head back home we found ourselves in the worst human traffic jam ever – only in New York City! What surprises me most is that my 4 year old who runs screaming if a bug happens to be in a 5 feet radius didn’t bat an eyelid to see all the gore that accompanies merry Halloween!

Happy Fathers Day! You Make a Great Dad Sach and here are a few of the many times …

When you two play animals in the tent and her giggles bubble out of the bedroom

When you become her “Tell Me Why” book while she goes into rapid fire mode asking you questions about anything and everything on earth and more

When you tell her a good night story about mythical beings and she listens with her jaw open

When you share your love of cartoons and watch everything from Angry Birds to Minnie mouse together

When you get her an ice-cream and her eyes light up in delight

When you “take her hurt away” by blowing at it and flushing it down the drain and she only really trusts you to do it right

When you carry her on your shoulders if she gets too tired or just wants a better view

When you insist on teaching her Malayalam and try to stick to speaking it yourself

When it’s time to wake up but I see the two of you snuggled together, even though I know it’s going to be even tougher to get her out of bed now!

And in so many more ways… Happy Fathers Day!

Musings on my first two months in the US

It’s been two eventful months since we landed in the USA; a land so foreign and yet so familiar. Foreign because it’s my first time to actually come here; familiar because it has been part of my world almost on a daily basis thanks to all the TV, movies and anecdotes shared by my mother-in-law. What did I expect? I expected everything to be shiny, gleaming and new, technologically so advanced that I had never seen anything like it before. Was it all that and more? Read on

What I loved most

I loved the independence this place gave me. My biggest fear was that I would be marooned in the new country, unable to move around on my own without someone to perhaps drive me around. I needn't have been afraid.  Within the first ten days of landing I took my first train ride – alone (unless you count the 3.5 yr old with me) and from there it just got better and better. Path rides to New York, a ferry to World Trade Centre, light rails for shorter distances and loads of walking around on the beautiful side-walks that criss-cross the city.

A unique experience

The shopping trip to the Ikea furniture store was certainly an experience like never before. In India we would walk into the showroom, choose the product and have it delivered home with someone coming to assemble it shortly. Here we first had to select the product, write down all the code numbers (I had no idea what the husband was actually writing down) and then go down to the warehouse. At the warehouse, there were numbered aisles (ah! Now the codes started making more sense) from which we had to go and pick up  the unassembled pieces of furniture in cardboard boxes. A sprained wrist later – the hubby, not me, we managed to collect everything and send it for shipping.  The next shocker-having to assemble this all together, patience never having being one of my virtues, it was again left to the husband to painstakingly put together the bed, with dozens of tiny little screws, nuts and bolts. A whole days work, phew!

The thing I hate

Well, hate may be a strong word but it is kind of tiresome to start almost from scratch again, from stocking the kitchen larder to buying all our furniture. Undeniably retail therapy has its perks but it can be unpleasant to have these pangs of longing for your fruit bowl or baking dishes, sigh!

What makes my heart sing

Getting out of the house and seeing people from different races, ethnicities, countries, just makes me happy. I grew up in a very multi-cultural atmosphere as part of the big naval family but the US just takes it to another level. I have arguably heard more Indian languages on the streets of Jersey City that I have heard in Bangalore.

What I thought I would miss but don’t

My much bigger house and my maids, and that’s probably connected. It’s the first time in my life that I am staying in a house so small with just one bedroom and a bath. On the plus side it’s easy to clean and adequate for our little family. It will probably get cramped when friends or family come to visit but we haven’t got there as yet. As for my maids, I am happy to replace them with the dishwasher, dryer and vacuum. Disclaimer- that is the unemployed me talking we will see how it goes once I get a job.

When Life has other plans!

Planning a date night isn’t what it used to be. It’s not about sneaking around or curfews anymore, it’s now more about figuring out whether the place is kid friendly or not. Clubbing and partying are pleasant memories of what seems like a distant past but today was going to be different, I had it all planned out.

The little one was going to have her first sleepover with the grandparents; she was super excited and Mom and Dad were going to have a night out, I was equally thrilled! Since we are new to the city, I checked with a few friends for recommendations and then shortlisted a couple of places based on their online reviews.

The review for this place said that the music was good - the only word of caution being that the dance floor was small and it usually got packed so you might find it difficult to do your moves. Here I was expecting to be pushed and shoved on the dance floor but contrary to expectations not one note of music played and we were a tiny crowd of two. With a touch of skepticism sneaking into my happy heart we settled down anyway. I reasoned with myself that we were probably the early birds and the party would get started a little later. Twenty minutes later when the waiter arrived with our drinks I tentatively asked him when the crowd was likely to start coming in. With an apologetic look he said that since a temple next door was celebrating its festival there was a ban on music and so they weren't really expecting a crowd tonight. Crrraack! The sound of my well laid plans shattering.

Not to be out done we decided to finish our drinks in a hurry and head out to the next place on the shortlist. Being newbies to the city we were relying on the GPS to for directions. Unfortunately the GPS seemed to have plans of its own, it kept leading us to the gate of a park and insisted that we needed to drive through; incidentally the park had been closed for the night. Despite all our attempts to get it to re-route it wouldn't budge, finally after spending half an hour going around in circles (quite literally) we gave up and decided to get into the next place we saw.

Expecting the worst we walked in but much to our surprise the place was pulsating with great music and had quite the swish set of people around. The beef burger I ordered was simply divine – the best I have ever had and the hubby had a mean pepperoni pizza. The service was excellent and we topped it off with a delicious Tiramisu.

Life is sometimes like that, you have your best laid plans which don’t work out and then you end up going around in circles for a while before you stumble onto something quite unexpected but which could leave you pleasantly surprised. 

Walls

Hundreds of homes

crunched close together

yet far apart

separated by walls

walls of concrete, of glass and floating walls of cloth

outside I can see

so much activity

busyness, frantic and fast

yet I wonder

what is hidden behind those walls?

Tears, solitude, blood or lust?

Cocooned, making it perfectly possible to be all alone in a crowd

Because every day is not Valentine’s Day

I am a sucker for Valentine’s Day, and Birthdays and Anniversaries. I just need an excuse to celebrate. This year I saw a few lovey-dovey posts on facebook for Valentine’s Day which claimed that every day was Valentine’s Day with their soul mate. I am a bit incredulous when I hear something like that, not because I am a cynic but because for me every day simply cannot be Valentine’s Day. In between chores and long working hours, toddler tantrums and the daily grind, many a day runs along without a chance for cuddles and sweet nothings being exchanged with the love of my life. Is this a reflection that we care less for each other now than six years ago when during our courtship the romantic gestures were grander? I think not, we certainly love each other more today, we are more in tune, and we have a lovely girl who just strengthens this bond between us. Having said that, sometimes I think we do take our loved ones for granted, not just our partners but maybe also our parents or siblings or best friends. I am polite, energetic, humorous, and on my best behavior when I am the “Trainer at Work” but when I get back home at the end of the day I may just want to crawl into bed or tune out in front of the TV. So when a special occasion comes along it’s a great chance to show your loved ones how much you care. Sometimes you may feel pressured by all the commercialization that such “days” have undergone but celebrations aren't about buying each other expensive presents it’s about little things that matter much. Maybe it’s a lovingly cooked meal, a card that you hand painted or a nice back rub, none of which need to cost big bucks. And that’s my case for celebrating special occasions because after all it’s not just the day you are celebrating but the person and the relationship you share.

Flights of Fantasy!

Lights, camera , action…Bollywood here I come!!! Now don’t get me wrong it’s not a career in acting that I am after, its stardom, nothing less than the lead role for me. When did this obsession start? Well, it can probably be traced back to those early days when I used to traipse around the living room, Mum’s dupatta in tow which was my handy prop, turning into my lovely locks one moment, into my sari the next. At age five of course this was perfectly acceptable, the darling antics of a precocious child. My parents were indulgent and forced many an Uncle and Aunty to sit through the entire rendition of a Sridevi number in their daughter’s inimitable style with applause and exclamations at all the appropriate places.

That was at five at 15 these things just weren’t so amusing anymore, it was the year of the “Board Exam”. It was time to banish the dreams of ever being the Bubbly to the Banti and concentrate on one’s studies instead.  So I walked the much trodden path, got a respectable 80% in my tenth went on to do my arts in Junior College (Oh yes, that way my parents are pretty liberal they didn’t insist I became a Doctor or Engineer), topped my university for my graduation, sailed through my MBA and finally landed a job through campus placement in a well respected MNC. 

.

I am not unhappy, in any case Mr. Bhansali or Karan J might never have discovered me, after all I don’t have the smile of a Madhuri or the oomph of a Malika. What’s more, my dear old grandparents in Trichur are spared the embarrassed squirming as their conservative neighbors speak in hushed tones about the pavam menons’ whose granddaughter doesn’t seem to be able to afford enough clothes. Yet when the lights go off and the film begins to roll I always wish I had given my fantasy wings to fly

The Birthday Party

Ria woke up and slowly opened her eyes – “Oh my God it’s my birthday today” said a voice in her head, she jumped out of bed and did a little jig. Finally 365 days after her last birthday this one had finally come.

She tip toed out of her bedroom, everyone was already up and busy doing their bit for tonight’s party. First she caught sight of her grandfather blowing the balloons, oh my, his cheeks looked quite red and puffy from all that blowing. From the kitchen she could hear the clanging of pots, the cooker whistling and her grandmother humming as she rustled up one lip smacking treat after another. She had overheard her mother and grandmother planning the menu yesterday, there were to be chutney sandwiches, skewers of grilled chicken, mutton cutlets, dhokla and chocolate fudge.

Suddenly she heard a growl, it was coming from her stomach, all that talk of food was making her hungry “ Ammmmaaaa” she called.

After quickly gulping down her chocolate milk and wolfing down a couple of idlis she went to investigate what her father was upto. She found him upstairs, surrounded by shiny pink wrapping paper, he seemed busy. He also had a stack of crayons and colouring books with him. Into each pack went one book paired with a set of crayons then, they got wrapped and sealed with cello tape. “ACHA” called Ria, “What are you doing?” “I am wrapping the return gifts ofcourse”, he replied. “Return gifts, what are those, are they for me?” “No darling” said Dad “They are for your friends who are coming for the party tonight, something for them to remember you by long after the party is over”

Triiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggg!

“Oh that must be Amma with the cake” squealed Ria as she turned and raced down the stairs and sure enough it was, only you couldn’t see her face because it was hidden behind the most enormous cake. “Careful Ria or else you will trip me”, said Amma as she weaved her way to the dining table to put down the cake while Ria jumped up and down trying to take a peek into the box. “Oh please may I take a peek” she cried. “Ok, ok as long as you don’t touch it!” warned Amma. It was the most beautiful thing that Ria had ever set her eyes on, all her favourites Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Tiger and even Owl; they were all sitting around and seemed to be having the most delicious time ever at a picnic! Sigh they certainly looked good enough to eat but she had to wait another 4 hours, 30 minutes and 20 seconds more for her first guest to arrive.

Finally it was time, she was in her frilly, fluffy white birthday frock, which swished and swooshed every time she moved. Amma insisted that she wear her new sandals too though she would much rather have padded about bare foot and finally came the tiny heart shaped matching hairclips. Everybody oohhed and aahhed to see her and suddenly cameras and cell phones were pulled out to take some pictures followed by more pictures, standing here and then there and everywhere. First with her father then with her mother, then both of them together then the grandparents one by one then together and finally one with the entire family, oh enough with the pictures thought Ria when all she wanted was for the party to start!

The first to arrive were the Funny Family, Mama Funny, Papa Funny and little Baby Funny who they called fun for short. “Happy Birthday Ria” sang the Funnies in chorus, Ria liked them, who wouldn’t, they made her laugh so much every time they visited. And she was sure they would bring her a really fun birthday present, which they did, it was a mini bowling alley with 10 pins in different colours and 2 balls in a bright red and blue.

Next to arrive were the Talk-a-Lots, “Happy Birthday Ria” said Mamma Talk a Lot, “How are you? Oh you must be excited, I am too, parties are so much fun and look at all the decorations, they are so pretty…” And many more things but Ria lost track after a while because Papa Talk-a-Lot was talking at the same time asking her how she was and whether she was excited, blah blah blah! And baby talk-a-lot was really small and hadn’t learnt how to talk as yet so he just gave little shrieks of glee now and again.

Soon after came Mr and Ms. Bright, they didn’t have any kids as yet but they asked her all kinds of intelligent questions and quizzed her about her alphabets and numbers and just from the shape of the gift she knew she was getting books as a present which was nice coz she liked to read too.

The last ones to arrive, fashionably late some would say, were the Fashionable Family, dressed in a crisp, impeccably tailored suit Mr. Fashionable looked dapper as always and Mama Fashionable looked pretty and elegant in her pale yellow dress and Baby Fashionable was dressed in what else but haute couture Pink! Take a guess on what they got for her, why a designer dress ofcourse.

At last it was time to cut her cake. Amma picked Ria up and placed her on the chair, because she was not tall enough as yet to reach the cake. “Make a wish Ria”, said Dad. So she screwed her eyes shut very tight and wished for, well it’s a secret because they say if you share your wish it won’t come true. At the same time she inhaled a big breath of air and blew it out with as much force as she could muster so that the candles blew out in just one breath. After the cake was cut everyone piled their plate with all the delicious treats and all the sound in the house was that of lips smacking, teeth chomping and no tongues wagging at all.

Today even Amma relaxed her only one piece of chocolate rule and allowed Ria to stuff herself with cake and sweets to her hearts content. Well, all good things must come to an end and so it was true for this party too. Waving their bye-byes and wishing Ria a wonderful year ahead all the guests left one by one. Ria was she was sad because her birthday celebrations were over and she had to wait for an entire year more to celebrate the next one and yet happy for she had had a wonderful time.

What is Happiness?

What is happiness?

This question has often perplexed me and I found myself mulling over it a little more than usual over the past couple of days.

Ok, let’s start with a list of things that make me happy. First and foremost comes my daughter and I am not just saying that to be politically correct but watching her grow, spending time with her and just marvelling at my own creation  brings me joy untold; it’s a genuine feeling that fills me up from inside and makes my heart want to just burst.

My next source of happiness comes from work that makes me feel productive. When I pull off an event successfully, conduct a training program that lands me excellent feedback, see something I wrote in print or even get my guests to rave about the food I cooked for a party it gives me a real high. All the effort, the slogging, it all seems worth it after that bit of appreciation.

Love makes me happy! I was brought up in a close knit family and I grew up close not just to my parents, by the way I am an only child, but also to my grandparents and the extended family even though we always lived as a nuclear family. When I got married I was certain I would want not just my husband’s love but also that of his family. Loving others makes me happy too so the fact that I have a warm relationship with not just my side of the family now but also his seems to release some happiness hormone in me!

Having my own money makes me happy! I grew up appreciating the value of money, we never wanted for anything but ours was an ordinary life where treats like eating out were few and far in between. My Mother was a housewife who always wanted her daughter to have a successful career. She was the most powerful influence in my life and I was left rudderless when I lost her- I was just twenty. In direct contradiction to her hopes for me to have a successful career came also her imploring me not to become one of “those women” who left her children to be looked after by someone else. I probably never thought about the contradiction then and now when I would like to know more it’s too late she is not giving me any answers. Coming back however the pleasure of earning, saving and spending one’s own money that’s definitely linked to happiness. Now comes the question ‘How much money?’ How much is ever enough? When I had a full time well-paying job I compared myself to my peers who passed out of the same Business School and felt under paid – NOT HAPPY! Then I started working part time and had to take a 50% pay cut along with the cut in hours, that made me – UNHAPPY. Finally I quit that job and started freelancing which meant that assignments are sometimes hard to come by and that certainly doesn’t make me happy.

So in life at every point of time there seems to be something to be happy about and something to be unhappy about. Right now I am in a phase where I get to do the Number 1 thing that makes me happy – spend time with my daughter which means I do a little less of the other things on the list which inevitably makes me slightly unhappy. So I guess all of us have to ride that see-saw through life with one leg on either side trying to balance between being able to do the things that make us happy and others that don’t. So here is CHEERS to not tipping over or at least picking yourself up and getting back on that ride called life if you do!

The Boy who didn't like to Bathe

Gandhu Bandhu never liked to bathe.

Every time his mother yelled “It’s time for your bath Gandhu”

Gandhu ran.

And when Gandhu ran, his mother chased after him.

He ran over the bed and under tables, around chairs and in between lamps.

At first, his mother would be close behind his heels, she would stretch her hands and almost catch a bit of his shirt or a clump of his hair, then Gandhu ran faster and Amma got slower, till finally Gandhu escaped with a triumphant cry of victory.

Sometimes Amma tried something new, like lying in wait for Gandhu and pouncing on him when he least expected it.

At other times she tried to offer him sweets or bribes to make him have a bath.

If all failed, she scolded him or warned him about the wrath of his father to see him unbathed.

Mostly nothing worked. Gandhu merrily evaded all his mother’s ingenious efforts to entrap him.

Finally on the 23^rd of March it had been 12 days since Gandhu had his last bath.

A ripe odour clung to Gandhu, announcing his arrival wherever he went. Gandhu, fortunately or unfortunately, had a blocked nose so he couldn’t smell a thing and if anyone complained he went to Amma’s dressing table and sprayed on a liberal puff of her perfume.

But what Gandhu hadn’t realised is that along with the sharp odour, slowly this skin was disappearing under a thick layer of dirt. There was the mud from after playing football, a bit of the curry that had spilled from many lunches and dinners, some paint from that picture he had so beautifully painted.

So on the twelfth day of not bathing when he went to his Amma and asked her for lunch all she said was “Go home boy and ask your mother for food”. “Amma, YOU are my mother” said Gandhu but Amma just gave him a puzzled look, crinkled up her nose and walked off.

Then he went to his Grandpa in the garden and said, “Appu can you push me in the swing” and Appu said, “Who are you? This swing is only for residents of this building”. Appu was a retired Naval Officer and very strict about order and discipline so Gandhu didn’t want to risk asking him to peel off the dirt to reveal himself.

Gandhu was feeling sad now so he turned to the one person he know could cheer him up “Ammuma please tell me a story” he said to his grandmother. To his utter dismay she replied, “Little child who are you? Are you lost?”

Now in total despair Gandhu went running to his Dad who was just walking in from office, “Dad you recognize me don’t you, this is your son Gandhu.” Dad too crinkled up his nose and gave him a quizzical look. Gandhu? Is that you? Well it sounds like you but it doesn’t look like you. I can barely see your nose, or your eyes or your ears or anything at all actually.

“Dad what should I do? No one recognizes me, not even Ammuma.”

Dad thought for a while “Well there is one solution”

“Tell me, tell me” said Gandhu as he jumped up and down in a mixture of fear and excitement.

“We could try giving you a bath, but an ordinary bath just won’t work anymore. We will have to soak you for a bit in hot water and soap and then scrub you with a really big brush and end it with five minutes under the shower until we are absolutely sure that all the dirt is washed away”

“I only hope the skin doesn’t get washed away too” mumbled Dad as an afterthought

What followed was a lot of soaking, scrubbing, polishing and drying. Let me tell you it wasn’t the most enjoyable experience and a lot worse than if he had just had 12 baths in 12 days.

So the next time Amma said “It’s time for your bath Gandhu”

Gandhu said “Ok, Amma but I want my water pistols along” but that’s another story.

Super Star Grandmother

The first time you meet her its will take you a few minutes to re-align your mental perception of a typical grandmother and you better do it fast because she isn’t going to give you too much time to do whatever it is you need to. This lovely woman who looks harmless enough – plump, cute and grey haired – is in actual a real live wire. The many years of living as an Army wife (and subsequently a naval officer’s mother and army officer’s grandmother) has given her a definite military bearing. And just when you are getting used to the sharp tongue and shriveling a little under her even sharper gaze be ready to be pleasantly surprised by her open attitude and friendly nature. At heart I don’t know how old she feels or in this case how young because whatever your age she instantly forms a connection, enquiring about your boy friends and match making for you in the same breath.

 

“Don’t expect me to cuddle you” she warns and it’s true – I share a much better equation with her post adolescence that I ever did as a small child. In fact Ammuma (that’s Granny in Malayalam) and I started living under the same roof due to a tragic event in our lives. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer before my 18^th birthday and my shattered father wondering how he would manage a teenaged daughter and run a house while his wife would need to be away for many months undergoing treatment called on who else but his mother to the rescue and overnight the grandmother who I had met so far only on the annual two week holidays suddenly became my every day guardian and caretaker.

 

She was apprehensive she says, self admittedly short tempered she wondered how she would get along with the grandchild who looked uncannily like her but was in a daze of grief having discovered that her mother was afflicted with a life threatening disease. Would there be teenage rebellion or maybe a generation gap?  But in her typical style, (she is a typical lioness when it comes to protecting her cubs) she flew in without a second thought to take care of her blood. Just when she thought that her days of toil and responsibility were over and she could sit back and relax while her children looked after her, she was obliged to get into the kitchen and start running the house. If that wasn’t enough she always went the extra mile making sure my lunch was packed just right and on those sweltering summer days when I returned home from college it was to a welcome glass of cold coffee – surely something that my mother would never have bothered with.

 

The one time we were at logger heads was when my exams approached, always a conscientious student with good grades and regular hours of study I had got used to my parents leaving me to my own ways. With her however studies and marks were always an obsession – marks were never good enough unless they were the best in the class. So much to my dismay she would impose an atmosphere not different from a concentration camp (albeit a well fed one) with strict instructions to remain glued to my books for as long as possible.

 

It was during the darkest of hours in my life when my grandmother lent me her protective shield of love and care. A couple of years down the line , soon after I had started attending classes at a prestigious business school in the country, my Mum left us, plunging my father and me into the depths of despair . Yet again it was Ammuma who came and lived with us transforming the house which almost had a haunted quality without her into a comforting home with her presence.

 

They speak of karmic connections between souls and kindred spirits and I am not sure what all that means but I do feel that some where there is a special connection between me and my granny. The Grand Lady who taught me without ever needing to instruct me so much about love and family and just simple humanity. A toast to her, one of the most amazing women I have ever known!

Visit to Kerala - 2012

I am proud to belong to the lovely state called Kerala, but far less pleased about the fact that in spite of being a Malayali I am yet to explore this so called Gods Own Country. Hailing from the state but living away, inevitably means that the annual holidays are spent skipping from one loved ones home to another, grandparents are eagerly waiting to see you and a precious day spent away from them would be considered at best hurtful and at worst downright treacherous. Getting married hardly helps - the count of near and dear just doubles and that many more hop skip n jump stops now need to be made.

Beaches, backwaters and boat rides may make quintessential Kerala, but for us it is all viewed from the a/c confines of cars or trains as we make our way across the state from one beloved’s home to another. Admittedly the view is a treat to sore eyes especially ones who have just left the arid heat of Hyderabad but to someone like me who finds it hard to keep her eyes open when in moving transport (if I am not driving) the lush greenery just lulls me further into a soothing slumber.

The highlight of the visit this year was a dear friend’s wedding which meant meeting with lots of college friends and showing off my babe in arms to the glee of all my chums whom I have known for more than a decade now and with whom I spent those carefree days day dreaming about the real world and life after college. Little realising that those days which we were in such a hurry to be rid of would be among our most precious memories – to be regurgitated and embellished and remembered always with much fondness and nostalgia.

For little Ria, my daughter, it was delight untold to be reunited with her grandpa and great grandparents and perhaps a lesson in life of the impermanence of it all when we had to say our goodbyes in just a few days. Used to her daily routine with little alteration, I wonder what must have run through her tiny head as day after day she was carted to one strange place (for her) after another in forms of transport that she was travelling in for the first time including an auto and a train. She seemed resigned to this new way of life and decided to make the most of it - being woken up at odd hours, put to bed in unfamiliar cots and being made to bathe in different bathrooms every day. And of course there were a barrage of unfamiliar faces wherever she went; wanting to carry her and kiss her, talk to her and play with her, some of this she took in her stride and with others she let her displeasure known with a shrill cry of protest which sent them all scurrying off like wounded tigers.

After the first week of vacation spent in wedding festivities it was time to visit the ancestral home of hubby dear. More than 300 years old, this historians delight, in true Nair matriarchal tradition is lived in and maintained by the three grand old (well young at heart certainly) matriarch’s of the family. With its traditional architecture which allows for an open courtyard in the house where the rain falls freely in the monsoons, high ceilings and endless rooms it’s among the few remaining ancestral homes in the state. Most of which have fallen victim to modernization where the descendants opt for sterile comfort over the rather overwhelming task of maintaining something so magnificent and yet in so many ways problematic. The upkeep of this ancestral beauty is indeed an odd mixture of pleasure and pain. On one side is the pride of being custodians of a history greatly cherished by the entire family and of a million memories which breathe out of every brick and stone in the house. On the other is the pain which inevitably comes with the repairs and maintenance of such a sprawling place with little help. With most of those who knew the secrets to the ancient plumbing and construction no more now and the new age experts clueless about how to fix problems as they crop up. The house also struck me as a tweens delight where I could easily imagine a 12 year old me losing myself in the mysteries of the many rooms and burying my head in books as I stared out at the greenery surrounding the house. You can climb trees and play with bugs, run up and down the narrow stairways and peek into the well, it’s the perfect summer vacation spot where cousins from all across converge to have a rollicking time sharing secrets and playing all sorts of games that their imagination could possibly think up!

A vacation in Kerala isn’t complete without a trip to its temples and this time we had the pleasure of visiting three!!! First trip was to our family goddess, one that is supposed to be almost a caretaker of the family for generations and where it was the turn of the newest member, my daughter, to go and pay her respects. The next was to the temple which is part of my husband’s home; once again this goddess is extra special as the temple has been in the family for decades now. Ria offered her obeisance and made an offering of a small gold ornament which her Muthashi (great grandmother) had kept ready. The final visit was certainly a unique one for us all; this was to the temple called “Muthappan”, a journey of an hour and a half away from home. Being used to the more traditional temples where the offering and the prasadam are the more innocuous payasams or coconuts it was curious for us to see that it was toddy and fish fry which were the stable of this common man’s God. Muthappan as he is called was established as a form of rebellion by the Harijan community who in yesteryears were not allowed access to the temples dominated by the upper castes. While the deities here are the all-powerful Shiva and Vishnu they actually take human form through their oracles. It is indeed a sight to behold as the two human manifestations of the great gods bedecked in intimidating red attire complete with a huge head dress dance to the drum beats and chants of the temple drummers. Then it’s time for the huge throng of faithful to flock to the human god and ask for his blessings. Blessings are showered on one and all in addition you may ask “Muthappan” the oracle to tell you what the future holds for you. The temple itself is set in a scenic location on the banks of the backwaters crowned with coconut palms. We too lined up for his blessing, my husband gave him our offering of alcohol and was asked to always remember Muthappan and to keep coming again and again!

All good things must come to an end and so did our vacation. All too soon, those precious few days which we and our family had dreamt about and planned for months now, flew past in the twinkle of an eye. It was time to say goodbye to the grandparents and great grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and all! A new life was waiting for us back home; a new job for me, a new play school for Ria and an assignment abroad for my husband. Farewell it was to Kerala till we met again for yet another family getogether; maybe it would be a special birthday or a wedding in the family but whatever the occasion it would certainly be time yet again to meet all those special people and soak in the love and affection of family, the sightseeing we may need to postpone for later J